When I was younger I remember hearing or being told (probably by my mom) that you should not criticize your husband. If you do, it gives them the excuse to not do it at all because, "well I don't do it right anyway!" frame of mind comes in to play. I took that to heart and never criticized the BIG boy. When he'd do the dishes and put away half of them not yet clean I'd just take those out and rewashed them. Told myself, at least he got 1/2 clean, better than nothing. When he'd wash clothes and leave them in the wash for days to get smelly from mildew I'd just add more soap and rewash, at least they were in the wash already. When he'd leave crumbs all over the counter and table I'd just clean it up, at least he fed the kids something.
Eight year later, it's gotten really old!!!!
Growing up I didn't have a bread board, my gram did and I loved it but apparently they stopped putting those in before or around the mid/late 70's when my parents built our house. I so LOVE that I have one but did you know that they're not enclosed? Nope, they're not. If you use the board and leave food/crumbs on the top of it and push it in dirty that stuff just falls into the drawers/cabinets underneath! So I always have "crumby" silverware!! Because of this I always grab one of my flexable plastic cutting boards so then if I need to shove in the bread board I just have to move the cutting board elsewhere and voila, no crumb mess! It's easier to clean too.
Yesterday I went to go make us some tuna salad and the kitchen is destroyed. I have a very small kitchen and it literally takes like 5 dishes and a few odds and ends to make it look like I've not cleaned in a year! My bread board is covered in formerly wet and now dried oatmeal square cereal that he had fed to the boys for breakfast. I lost it!
My sinks were full of dishes and I always try to rinse the dishes and put them in the left sink so then when I go to load the dish washer I just have to load and it takes 5 mins not rinse and load which takes an additional 15mins. I go to rinse his and the kids dishes and they're covered in coffee grounds (I do NOT drink coffee) and grease from the dishes that didn't get rinsed the night before and are nasty as hell. The sink is plugged up so the water is rising as I'm rinsing and let me tell you, those wet broken up oatmeal squares covered in grease and coffee grounds up to my elbows are DISGUSTING!! :(
As my mom likes to say, he wasn't raised he was jerked up by the hair on his head. How do you train this without being the nagging witch?
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Oh no! I wish I had some advice for you, but my husband is about 50-50 - he knows what to do, and does it about half the time (since I am about the same, I don't have much to complain about, although I typically find something). But it IS possible to make gentle suggestions without seeming overly critical. I guess I'd try to start small - choose one thing and ask him to work on it, and then when he gets that, try something else. That way, he is less likely to get overwhelmed and feel like you are being a "nagging witch," LOL. Second, I'd say bring it up at some time when it's NOT a current issue, or when you're not actually angry about it. If you don't act angry about it, he is less likely to get defensive.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I am making these statements based on my own experience with both me and with my husband (as in, how I would react if he brings an issue to me and vice-versa), and I know not all people respond the same way. I do think it doesn't take much extra effort to clean up your single dish (or a few) at the time when they're messy instead of leaving them to pile up and become a burden, so hopefully it's something he can learn to adapt to.
As a (similar) aside, I tend to freak out when Craig leaves foody dishes in the sink because I have this...thing...about wet, nasty, foody dishes. I think it's the grossest thing in the world! Ew. :) So I don't deal well with it when I encounter them.
You've been doing a good job of looking at the "bright side" of things, and I think that is great! But if you approach it properly (and you know your husband to really know how to approach it), hopefully you can address the issue without turning it into a battle.
Good luck!